Wordmeister
by Gene Curry

After letting out the dog, a firm believer in Frisbeetarianism, I lymphed into work driving like a meshugina, thinking the world is my oyster, and just avoided getting hit by flatulence on IH45 by running over an esplanade. As I sat with a coffee at UTMB, nationally known center for rectitude, led by the fun loving Dr. Pokemon, known for his testicles and an affection for gargoyles, I thought that I would circumvent being negligent in not mentioning all the balderdash at this University. I have been totally flabbergasted by current events here, people running about willynilly, and would abdicate the institution just to post on Cruise Critics, but I need the retirement.

Words posted by Alan

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3 . Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.