Wordmeister II
by Gene Curry

We were having an inoculatte this morning as a Beelzebug had kept us awake, and were chatting about the weekend and the week to come. I talked of watching the Sunday news about the hole in the inverted Bozone around Washington creating more of a dopeler effect then usual; the result of which a California environmentalcultist warned could lead to Karmageddon. This was followed by the glibido foreploy of several political candidates trying to replace our just resigned representative as a world class ignoranus. I recalled suggesting a walk in the garden to see the flowers but Susan turned a Caterpallor, I had forgotten that she suffers Arachnoleptic fits, a common occurance in our back yard. We mentioned to Samba Wigglebutt that she needs to get rid of the spiders, but the dog is a classic example of sarchasm . Susan had been discussing plans for her daily Decafalon, and installing the Playboy Channel in the Osteopornosis Clinic when all at once she brought up getting a new house. I could see the giraffiti in the sky on this one, and hipatitic guy that I am, talked about the increasing cost of the cruising we both love. She was very understanding, and once again I was able to avoid cashtration.

Words posted by Alan

The Washington Post's Style Invitational asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then,like,the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an a%#hole.